Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Jerbs.

As a college senior with the intent to graduate in May, I have recently begun my career search. This is what I feel like the interviewer is reading when they look over my resume.


eKara B.f
Call Me, Beep Me: (972) XXX – XXXX
Or I guess email works too: magicallydelicious09@yahoo.com

Objective
    GIVE ME A JERB!!!!!!!!!! Plz?

Education
Vanderbilt Univ., May 2013 (unless my roommate or my homework kills me first)
·       Bachelor(ette) in Dicking Around on the Internet, Concentration in Social Media and GIF-Based Websites
·       Double Minor in:
o   Ray-bans and When to Wear Them
o   Reliving Study Abroad Memories Way Past Their Expiration Date
Study Abroad Univ., What Semester Was It Again I Forget 201(?)
·       Coursework in:
o   Traveling
o   Hitchhiking and Other Forms of Public Transportation Only Acceptable Abroad
o   More Traveling
o   Wait…. What’s Class?

Acquired Skills:
·          Picking out the appropriate emoji for *any* situation
·       Alcohol tolerance
·       Wearing leggings as pants AND TOTALLY PULLING THEM OFF DEAL WITH IT
·       Fruit Ninja Arcade Mode, Combo God
·       Scheduling classes around my sleep schedule (and still being tired 24/7)

Work Experience
Someone’s got jokes. I like that. No but really I didn’t do much of anything in my minimum-wage high school job and/or internship that I can spin in a positive light so please God don’t ask me about it. I have a LinkedIn page, does that count for anything?

Activities and Interests
Alcohol, Long Walks on the Beach, More Gun Control, Stan (…and World Peace), Drinking 5+ Dr Peppers a day, Saying I just went for a run but instead eating chocolate chip cookie dough, Using quotes from Mean Girls and assorted YouTube videos in my everyday jargon, Oversized watches, Oversized t-shirts, Instagram, Pumpkin spice lattes, Instagrams of pumpkin spice lattes, Wheedling my parents for more money, Talking about how much I miss home until I go there then talking about how I can’t wait to get back to school, Rationalizing going downtown on a Tuesday, Brainstorming new and witty tweets to send throughout the day, and dorm twin XL beds (LOLZ JK!!)


---

I promise to never use Comic Sans ever again as long as I live, amen.The best part about this whole resume is the fact that magicallydelicious09@yahoo.com was in fact a real email address of mine that I used fairly regularly until Gmail came about; I relegated it to junk mail status until it spammed everyone with which I had ever come into internet-contact. RIP, MD09, you lived an undeservedly long life as an email trashcan. 

And since it was already stuck in your head for the next 7.3 days anyways, my gift to you: Christina Millian at the peak of her career.


No comments:

Post a Comment