Jerbs.

As a college senior with the intent to graduate in May, I have recently begun my career search. This is what I feel like the interviewer is reading when they look over my resume.

eKara B.f

Call Me, Beep Me: (972) XXX – XXXX

Or I guess email works too: magicallydelicious09@yahoo.com

Objective

    GIVE ME A JERB!!!!!!!!!! Plz?

Education

Vanderbilt Univ., May 2013 (unless my roommate or my homework kills me first)

·       Bachelor(ette) in Dicking Around on the Internet, Concentration in Social Media and GIF-Based Websites

·       Double Minor in:

o   Ray-bans and When to Wear Them

o   Reliving Study Abroad Memories Way Past Their Expiration Date

Study Abroad Univ., What Semester Was It Again I Forget 201(?)

·       Coursework in:

o   Traveling

o   Hitchhiking and Other Forms of Public Transportation Only Acceptable Abroad

o   More Traveling

o   Wait…. What’s Class?

Acquired Skills:

·          Picking out the appropriate emoji for *any* situation

·       Alcohol tolerance

·       Wearing leggings as pants AND TOTALLY PULLING THEM OFF DEAL WITH IT

·       Fruit Ninja Arcade Mode, Combo God

·       Scheduling classes around my sleep schedule (and still being tired 24/7)

Work Experience

Someone’s got jokes. I like that. No but really I didn’t do much of anything in my minimum-wage high school job and/or internship that I can spin in a positive light so please God don’t ask me about it. I have a LinkedIn page, does that count for anything?

Activities and Interests

Alcohol, Long Walks on the Beach, More Gun Control, Stan (…and World Peace), Drinking 5+ Dr Peppers a day, Saying I just went for a run but instead eating chocolate chip cookie dough, Using quotes from Mean Girls and assorted YouTube videos in my everyday jargon, Oversized watches, Oversized t-shirts, Instagram, Pumpkin spice lattes, Instagrams of pumpkin spice lattes, Wheedling my parents for more money, Talking about how much I miss home until I go there then talking about how I can’t wait to get back to school, Rationalizing going downtown on a Tuesday, Brainstorming new and witty tweets to send throughout the day, and dorm twin XL beds (LOLZ JK!!)

---

I promise to never use Comic Sans ever again as long as I live, amen.The best part about this whole resume is the fact that magicallydelicious09@yahoo.com was in fact a real email address of mine that I used fairly regularly until Gmail came about; I relegated it to junk mail status until it spammed everyone with which I had ever come into internet-contact. RIP, MD09, you lived an undeservedly long life as an email trashcan. 

And since it was already stuck in your head for the next 7.3 days anyways, my gift to you: Christina Millian at the peak of her career.

Suppy suppy puppy

Welcome to my blog, ladies, gents, and lizards. I have no reason for being here. Then again, neither does this car and it exists so there you have it.

Note: Not my car. Yet.

On a related note, I named this blog Sour Cream + Onion because I can. I wanted to use the Juggalo Name Generator to come up with something cooler (it worked for Childish Gambino, right?), but the generator's response was literally "HAHA YOU FELL FOR IT YA F***IN A** CLOWN DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND GO KILL YOURSELF", which was too long for Blogspot's standards probably.

I guess Juggaho's are really into psychology.

After consoling myself that I would never be able to practice the life of a rapping clown, I turned to some Lay's SC+O. Ergo, blog title. Also because they are my favorite chip, and I think that says a lot about me as a person -- what that lot is, I am less sure of. It tastes neither like sour cream, nor like onions, and I like that. So whatever you derive from that explanation fully encompasses who I am fundamentally as a person. 

This is a bad artistic rendering of me. I actually have more than 3 eyelashes. Probably.

As you can see, this will not be one of those blogs where I add in witty pictures that I drew to complement my point; I instead will sometimes include relevant pictures that I find on the internet and I hope are witty but who knows.

In conclusion, I digress.